Churches, Pastors, Marriage and Bylaws—Oh, My

Posted on August 31, 2013 by smaxreisert

The Huffington Post recently published a story on conservative Christian churches that are enacting bylaw changes to guard themselves from possible lawsuits when they turn away same sex couples who wish to be married. [“DOMA, Gay Marriage Rulings Prompt Churches To Change Bylaws,” 8/24/13] These kinds of stories have been floating around for a while: the concern that the denial of marriage to some people will invite legal action.

Maybe I’m going out on a limb here, or perhaps sharing a secret that I should be keeping to myself, but I deny weddings to couples on a regular basis at Old South. So far, even though gay marriage is now legal in Maine, I haven’t—at least not knowingly—denied a wedding to a gay couple. But, I have denied plenty of others.

So, what are the reasons why I’ve turned away couples wishing to tie the knot at my church?

1. Not enough notice. Sometimes people call me when their anticipated wedding date is only a week or two away. Sorry. No can do. I am not a justice of the peace. I don’t work at a Las Vegas wedding chapel. I’m a pastor of a Christian church. I require plenty of notice, mostly because I require pre-marital counseling—and, that brings me to the next reason.
2. Premarital counseling. I require it and some couples don’t want to do it. True, most couples live together before they get married. But, it turns out, living together doesn’t actually mean that couples have discussed all of the important things that come with marriage. Do they plan to have children? How many? How will they take care of those children? And, one of the most important questions that many couples have never talked about: what happens if one of them is offered a fabulous job opportunity that requires a move?
3. Church rental. Sometimes a couple, especially if they live in the same small city where Old South is located, just like the look of the church and think that it would be a great place to get married. I get calls that pose the question, “Is it possible to rent the church for our wedding?” And, then the pause and the following question, “And I’d like to have my Uncle So-and-So do the wedding.” No. You can’t “rent” the church without “renting” me. The sanctuary is not a rental hall.
4. Religious stuff. There are some phone calls that get through a lot of the preliminaries before they ask the question about religion. This question usually involves a lot of hemming and hawing, but basically comes down to this: “Can we have our wedding at your church and have you not mention God?” The answer: No.

I turn people away on a regular basis. I suspect that at some point I may also end up saying no to gay couples too. But, not because I have a problem with gay marriage. I don’t. Just like the heterosexual couples that I marry, homosexual couples will need to follow my rules too.

The rules that I’ve set are not meant to give people a hard time—just because. My intention is to set a tone, to honor the worship space, and to preserve its dignity and significance. The rules are set to create an atmosphere that reminds everyone that marriage is sacred and holy. It’s not just about the dress, or the photographs or the great party. It’s about the most important day in a couple’s life, when they make promises that are hard to keep, and when they embark on a journey together that creates a new family, a place of companionship, support, encouragement, and love—a place where each of them has the possibility of becoming more fully themselves than they could by living alone or outside of those deep and abiding promises.

My approach, and my rules, may be “old fashioned,” but I’m sticking to them—because that’s part of what I am called to do as a Christian pastor.

I think those churches that are enacting bylaw changes just to spell out clearly and defiantly that the Bible teaches that a marriage can only be between one man and one woman are not really doing themselves any favors. Although I completely disagree with their interpretation of scripture, I believe all churches have not only the right, but the responsibility, to conduct weddings in accordance with their faith and understanding of God’s wishes. The bylaws of those churches likely already articulate who they are and the understanding of their mission. To change bylaws simply because they are afraid of possible civil rights lawsuits is a sad commentary. If those churches spell out marriage as between one man and one woman, perhaps they also spell out that marriage may not be the ideal state for followers of Christ, in accordance with the teaching of 1 Corinthians 7?

Churches, and their pastors, should not be driven by fear—of anything. They should live their faith, in love and in hope, in accordance to how the Spirit speaks to them.

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An Experience Thing

Posted on August 17, 2013 by smaxreisert

Last Sunday’s New York Times “Sunday Review” section highlighted an opinion piece on the new dimensions of activity and experience offered at art museums and other cultural institutions. The essayist was not especially enthusiastic about these new opportunities, reflecting that “something will be lost” if museums follow the route of “experience” businesses.

Just a few hours before reading this piece, I was engaged in a conversation with a museum curator and in that conversation, I gushed about one of my favorite installations at the museum where she works. That installation included, guess what, a participatory element. My family and I loved it.

Aside from my squirmy moment, realizing that I’m just another of the hordes that wants “experience” and “participation,” I found myself wondering about how this trend and dynamic relates to the church. Is one of our problems in the old mainline church that we don’t offer enough “experience” and “participatory” elements? Or is the “participatory” is not “participatory” enough or not modern enough?

We have a choir, open to anyone. We sing hymns. We say prayers in unison. Occasionally, we even have a passing of the peace, where we shake hands and share the peace of Christ with each other.

Is this not participatory enough? Not enough “hands on”?

Should the old mainline church follow the path of other venerable cultural institutions and find ways of offering new and different, participatory elements to who we are and what we do?

It appears that it’s simply not enough for the 21st century person to gaze upon a Monet or Rembrandt painting, or a Rodin sculpture. We want a more direct experience, to participate in some way in the art, to feel a part of it.

Perhaps that’s something to consider in the way we do church. It may not be that we are “doing it wrong,” but that the modern sensibility is looking for new ways of engaging old ideas and things. In a world of video and computer games, this may not be all that surprising.

The New York Times essayist was concerned that “something will be lost” in this transition to a more participatory approach to art. I share that concern, for the world of art and for the church as well. But, in terms of church life, something already is lost—active participation and attendance of people under the age of 50. This is true in Maine, anyway.

In churches like the one I serve, it may be worth exploring new and different ways of offering participatory experiences—although, of course, “new” is a bad word for lots of currently active church goers. But, it’s simply not enough to hang onto old ways of doing things just for the sake of comfort and security.

More participatory dimensions of worship and religious expression may be good for all of us, as we seek to explore gain a deeper, and more fulfilling, religious and spiritual experience. As I discovered personally, more “hands on” art can be wonderful, meaningful, and memorable. Church life should certainly be that—and more.

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Did the Dinosaurs Know that Extinction Was on the Way?

Posted on August 9, 2013 by smaxreisert

Maybe I just need a vacation, but I’ve been wondering and thinking a lot about the sense I have that my profession, as a clergyperson, is not long for this world. Not in Maine, anyway. A long time ago, I thought that I would likely be able to do this kind of work—parish ministry—until I was ready to retire. But now, though I’m not quite fifty, and I am increasingly certain that I will not be able to continue to be a parish minister, and get paid for it, well into the future.

I’m a dinosaur. At least in Central Maine, I’m a dinosaur, just teetering on the edge of extinction. Perhaps I would be less morose about the whole thing if I had a way of moving away, to a place where I would feel less like I was dancing on the precipice. But, I can’t easily move away. My husband has a great job as a college professor. My teenage children are not eager to move. And, truth be told, except for my shaky future job prospects, I’m reasonably happy living where I live. We have lots of friends. We have a house on a lovely Maine lake. And, more than that, we’ve put down roots here. As a family, we are active and involved in the community—on local boards and committees, and sports teams, etc.

When I get together with other clergy in central Maine, I am astonished that they don’t seem to appreciate my point of view. They don’t seem to understand that their profession, in terms of being able to work for compensation after a lengthy time of professional education and preparation, and ordination, is heading for extinction. To the extent that they do, they also recognize that it won’t have much of an impact on their lives, as retirement is much closer for them—or has actually already arrived (I must admit that it’s a mystery to me why anyone would choose ministry as something to take up in retirement, but that’s a different topic).

I recently attended a local clergy meeting where one of my clergy friends talked about a visit with a funeral director who talked about the training that he and other funeral directors are going through to learn how to lead memorial services. Another clergyperson at the table was outraged at the idea. “Why don’t they just call me,” she asked and then continued, “I’m just down the street.”

“Families don’t want you,” I replied. They don’t want us. If a family has never attended church, they very likely don’t want a clergyperson leading the memorial service. Years ago, even when someone never attended church, the family might still feel compelled to enlist a clergyperson to lead the memorial. No longer.

For me, it’s yet another clear sign that my profession is doomed, at least in this little corner of the world.

But, the clergy gathered around that table just looked at me as though I had five heads.

In central Maine, where church attendance is low and religious self-identification is increasingly “none of the above,” clergy are on the edge of extinction. Yet, they don’t seem to recognize their predicament.

The dinosaurs probably didn’t see it either. But, at least they had an excuse. Their brains were a lot smaller than ours.

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Does It Matter that Church is Good for You?

Posted on August 3, 2013 by smaxreisert

Slate.com recently ran an article about scientific research that indicates that singing in a choir is good for people. The article, written by a woman who’s recently published a book on the subject, began with a statement that she had at one time thought that “choir singing was only for nerds and church people.” She, of course, was neither.

But, during a bout of depression, she decided to join a community choir and, voilà, her problems were solved. In the process, she discovered that there’s some very compelling scientific research to back up her experience. She concludes, “Singing might be our most perfect drug; the ultimate mood regulator, lowering rates of anxiety, depression and loneliness, while at the same time amplifying happiness and joy, with no discernible, unpleasant side effects. The nerds and the church people had it right.” [“Ode to Joy” by Stacy Horn, posted on http://www.slate.com 7/25/13]

This is just the latest of a long string of studies that suggest that what religious organizations do is actually good for people.

A study using data from the Women’s Health Initiative found that women aged 50 and up were 20% less likely to die in any given year if they attended religious services, compared to those who never attend religious services. (from Psychology and Health, 17 November 2008). Religion is good for men, too. Sociologists have found that men who attend religious services more than once a week live, on average, seven years longer than men who don’t attend services.

And there’s still more. Religion, in turns out, is good for children and youth as well. In particular, religion is shown to function as a coping mechanism to provide youth with resiliency against negative peer pressure without accompanying decreases in self-esteem. Religion decreases risky behavior among adolescents and increases healthy lifestyle choices. [Mental Health, Religion & Culture, Vol. 5, 2005]

But, does any of this research make any difference? Does it motivate even one new person to check out religious services? Or, is it like the obesity epidemic where, despite the overwhelming scientific evidence that some foods are bad for you and will very likely cut your life short, many people just keep on eating the kind of foods that make them obese?

The scientific evidence that church (and other religious services) is good for people is certainly nice to hear, but it’s not really news to me. It’s what I see on a regular basis at Old South.

I can’t help but feel that little twinge of worry, though, when I encounter another piece of news that backs up my lifestyle, that includes going to church on a regular basis, because in my experience (and there’s more of that than I’d like to admit these days) it won’t make a bit of difference to the church that I serve. Those who are there know this stuff already. It’s why they keep coming. For those who aren’t coming, though, it doesn’t matter what the research says. They are staying away.

I can’t help but worry—about the long-term viability of the church that I serve and, as well about what it will mean for the community at large when churches no longer exist in the town square.

As the non-“nerd and church person” discovered, other community organizations provide some of the same kinds of services that the church provides. These days, one doesn’t need to attend a church to sing in a choir, for instance. But, still, this makes me sad. To hear a community choir sing “church music” (Handel’s Messiah, for instance) is just not the same as a church choir. It might be good to sing Messiah in a group, because it provides healthy benefits for the individual members of the group, but there’s just something missing—something important, I think—when the members of the group have no sustained connection to the words that they are singing, the theological and spiritual concepts that are conveyed by the words and the music.

The “nerds and the church people” may be right, but what happens when we run out of “church people”?

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What Happens When Someone Dies?

Posted on July 27, 2013 by smaxreisert

Many years ago, when I was still in divinity school, an old friend from college called me to tell me that her father had died. After sharing my condolences, my friend launched into something of an angry tirade. “Do you know what religion is all about?” she asked in a hostile tone. Without offering an opportunity to respond, she answered her own question, “It’s to tell little girls where their father’s go when they die.” Then, she began sobbing; I could hear her so clearly even though she was many, many miles away.

I knew enough to let her cry and to be angry. It was not the time to share with her my thoughts on the matter. I remember, though, the question that was going around in my head, as she chastised religion for setting her up and offering an answer to her grief that was less than satisfying. “So? What’s wrong with that exactly?” I wondered in my own head.

I was thinking about my old friend during my long drive home after attending the memorial service of a distant relative this past week. The relative, though raised in a church, had stopped attending church as an adult. His memorial service was a “celebration of life,” “a tribute,” and though it was held in a church sanctuary, it was not at all religious—no scripture, no homily. At one point, the funeral home director who led the service encouraged the members of the congregation to find comfort in their own religion or belief system.

But what about the guy in the box at the front of the sanctuary? What about his widow, his adult children, his grandchildren?

I understood the family’s desire to honor the dearly departed by keeping religion, especially Christianity, out of the service. But, to gather for a memorial service and only share memories seemed so empty to me. Is his life beyond death held only in the funny stories that his relatives and friends will share now and into the future?

I thought, too, of my many friends, who are so pleased that they have unfettered themselves from the shackles of organized religion, that they have rejected Christianity and all of its hypocrisy and unbelievable stories. I mean, what intelligent person can abide such nonsense?

But, what about the end of life? What hope do they turn to? What comfort is there for them? Is it really enough to say, is it more fulfilling to declare, that the entirety of a person dies when the body dies, that we live on only insofar as our loved ones talk about us? Is faith all about stupid fairy tales to keep people from asking the really difficult questions?

Faith and organized religion, like Christianity, are far from perfect and they don’t fully and neatly answer all of life’s big questions, but the modern equivalents don’t either. Can hope and comfort be found on the sidelines of a soccer field or at Sunday morning brunch with the New York Times?

I wonder about the trend to reject organized religion and all of its trappings. I wonder about the desire to be rid of mystery, to be rid of that which tugs at the spirit and whispers to us that there is more to life, and that life really ought not be arranged neatly with everything making sense to human intellect.

In my own personal moments of doubt, when I look at my faith and realize how absurd it all sounds, it’s the end of life part that is the hardest to consider letting go of. There is something in that story, in all of its ridiculousness, that I find compelling and hopeful, mysterious and life-affirming. In my moments of doubt, that is enough for me—the powerful message that despair and even death never have the last word for those who trust and live in faith.

My faith doesn’t keep the grief away. But, it does provide a sort of safety net, of hope and comfort, of some sense that there’s something that lives on even when my body finally gives up. My faith provides a sense of meaning, and a comfort in the familiar rituals of scripture, of hymns of promise, of connection with a Savior who experienced death himself, and isolation, and then of the empty tomb and, finally, those wonderful stories of his very real presence, like when Jesus joined two of his followers on the road, but they did not recognize him until they sat down to dinner.

What happens when someone dies? I’m not sure exactly, but I’d rather struggle with that question in the midst of faith, rather than in the limits of human intellect.

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Can My Soul Be Nurtured by Cookies?

Posted on July 19, 2013 by smaxreisert

I love cookies. I love eating them and I love making them. But, a few days ago, I found myself needing to buy some cookies. An old favorite came to mind—Milano, made by Pepperidge Farm. I had no idea that I would face so many choices of Milanos on the Milano shelf, but I finally settled on Milano Dark Chocolate.

When I got my little bag of cookies home, I put them on the counter in the kitchen. And that’s when I noticed what was on the back of the Milano package: “Can a cookie be good for the soul? We think so.”

Really? Is that what we’ve come to?

As organized religion recedes and/or is shoved to the sideline (at least where I live), it is fascinating to watch what is filling the void. We are spiritual beings, after all, and there is something in our souls that does need to be fed and nurtured, something in us beyond our intellectual and emotional selves that calls out for attention. I have a lot of friends who have either recently or long ago turned away from organized religion (just too full of crazy, unbelievable stories, or too full of hypocrites) and have, instead, turned to yoga, or other forms of exercise, or just taking solitary walks in the woods, or journaling. None of them, at least so far, has admitted that they’ve turned to cookies to nurture their soul.

It’s not that these endeavors are not good for one’s soul, and perhaps cookies too have certain benefits for one’s inner sense of well-being (so long as, I suppose, one does not overindulge). But, modern pursuits of the exercise of one’s soul seem rather flimsy to me. Sure, they can be done, more or less, on one’s own schedule, and they don’t involve dealing with a lot of difficult people with ideas of their own and who don’t practice what they, or their religion, preach.

Like lots of self-help programs, there are limits to what one can do oneself for one’s soul. There’s a reason why most successful addiction programs involve groups, gatherings of people. When people gather in groups weird and complicated and even unpleasant things can happen, but there’s also something strangely constructive about being around other people, especially people whom you might never meet otherwise, except in a place like a church. When people gather in an intentional way in a place or circumstance where they are encouraged to look after their own selves as well as the people around them, good things happen to everyone’s soul.

I enjoy cookies, perhaps sometimes a little too much, but they really don’t do anything for my soul. I like to exercise and take walks and, on occasion, I even find a moment to write a little in my journal. But, I can’t say that any of those things really feed my soul, certainly not in a deep way. It seems to me that to feed one’s soul, one needs to connect to another soul and to a group of souls, in a way where everyone recognizes their imperfections, yet everyone is striving to do better, to be a more giving and complete soul. This is difficult, perhaps impossible, to do on one’s own. A mirror is not an especially life-giving instrument.

I’ll keep eating cookies, although I may not buy more Pepperidge Farm Milanos when I’m stuck needing to buy cookies. I’ll remember that cookies do nothing more than feed my need for a sweet treat. I’ll keep the care of my soul to my faith, where it’s in much better hands, and in much better, though imperfect, company.

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The Things We Don’t Talk About

Posted on July 13, 2013 by smaxreisert

My sermon series at Old South this summer is focusing on evil. Where does it come from? How does it interact with our faith? What does it mean to say that God is good? Why do bad things happen to good people (and why do good things happen to bad people)? Is the “evil one” a “one,” an entity,” like we think of God, only the opposite? What, if anything, should we, can we, do about evil?

Evil is one of those topics that I believe is woefully lacking in mainline/progressive church and faith dialogue. In the wake of this lack of engagement, we get some profoundly problematic views on what evil is and how it operates in our lives and in our world. For lots of good, faithful church-goers, evil has become something that is a force that is completely separate from themselves. It is something that sometimes acts upon good church people (especially when something bad happens in a personal way to them or to someone close to them), but is not really a part of good church people. Evil is “out there,” and there are “evildoers,” but they too are wholly separate, different people, as if a completely different breed of humanity.

Not talking about evil and bad things has also created a repertoire of horrible responses to those times when bad things do happen—“God only gives you what you can handle,” “God needs [your child, your loved one] in heaven,” “Everything happens for a reason.”
Not talking about evil and bad things has also helped to empty our pews. Younger people hear those empty responses and, as well, feel that their deep questions, including questions about good and evil, are not welcome in most church environments. And, so they have left.

I probably would have left too, except that I was fortunate in my journey to find communities of faith and faith leaders who allowed deep questions to be spoken and who identified those horrible responses to terrible things as the horrible responses they were.

At Old South, our series is up to week 4. The first two weeks focused on Genesis 2 and 3, especially that serpent, the “craftiest wild animal that the LORD God had made.” Last week, because it was a communion Sunday, we considered lessons that might be gleaned from the communion table. Tomorrow, we’ll compare two passages that speak of “evil” in some way, one from the Old Testament (Isaiah 58) and one from the New Testament (the temptation of Jesus from Matthew).

While the series has not exactly raised the attendance numbers, which are low in the summer, I am finding that those who are coming to worship are really paying attention to my sermons and asking questions or responding with comments during coffee hour—and doing so in ways that are not typical. If my small sample community is any indication, there is a hunger and a desire to engage with difficult topics. There is interest and capacity to consider topics that are not tidy and neat, topics that raise more questions than answers.

It may be too late to make the kinds of changes that will turn the tide of church attendance, especially in a place like Maine where so few have any interest at all in going to any kind of church, but that doesn’t mean that we should not engage in these profound topics, such as evil. Even if all we do is alter the perspective of those few who still go to church, that will be enough.

And, for the clergy too, we need to tackle, in a public way, the problematic influence that the lazy mainline church has had on the larger culture (it’s not just church-goers who say problematic things when bad things happen). Who knows how our small numbers might influence those around them, sending out wave after wave of a deeper engagement with the “problem of evil” and how evil is not simply “out there,” but much closer to who we are and how we live?

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Flag Waving in Church

Posted on July 6, 2013 by smaxreisert

I like the 4th of July . . . when it lands in the middle of the week. That way, I can fairly easily get away with not including any patriotic songs during worship on one of the Sundays closest. Memorial Day, always observed on a Monday not long before the 4th, is a lot trickier. I usually observe both patriotic holidays by including something appropriate in a prayer during worship, but I try to avoid singing songs like “My Country ‘Tis Of Thee” or “O Beautiful for Spacious Skies.”

When the 4th of July is in the middle of the week, I can get away with not including one of those patriotic songs. Nobody says a word. The same cannot be said for Memorial Day, or when the 4th of July is near (or worse yet, on) a Sunday or when Veterans’ Day is near or on a Sunday. At least a couple of people will actually ask me about my “mistake” or “oversight” by not including a patriotic song during worship. Others grumble more quietly, keeping their unhappiness to themselves. The songs, I am reminded, are in the hymnal, after all.

I have, on occasion, tried to explain why patriotic songs are not appropriate in worship, but my arguments mostly fall on deaf ears. I try to explain that we are not a state religion. The church, instead, must be clear about its ultimate loyalty to God, and Christ and the Holy Spirit, and that there are times when good Christians need to recognize the tension in the relationship between God and country.

Just because “My Country” and “O Beautiful” are in the hymnal in our pews (actually, just one of the hymnals; the hymnal that was published in 1957), doesn’t make those songs appropriate for worship. Patriotic songs are problematic in worship because they undercut the whole purpose of worship, which is to orient the faithful to God, to focus us on God.

I am profoundly grateful to live in a country where I am able to worship God openly and freely. But, I don’t think it’s a good idea to show my gratitude by worshipping my country. That’s what patriotic songs do—they show loyalty to and worship of country. I show my gratitude by maintaining distinctions, by appreciating that loyalty to God and loyalty to country are different things.

And one is more important than the other.

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A Big Week?

Posted on June 29, 2013 by smaxreisert

On Wednesday morning, as I was helping my daughter with the last of her packing for summer camp, we were watching the coverage of the Supreme Court’s decision to end the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). My 16-year-old daughter asked about DOMA and why there were so many excited people on the TV outside the Supreme Court. In our discussion, I mentioned that this was a bigger than normal decision for SCOTUS, one that she would likely remember and that her children would learn about in school, like she had learned about cases such as Brown v. Board of Education.

During our discussion, I realized that my daughter was completely bewildered by the whole thing. For her, it was mysterious that there had to be this “big day” regarding gay marriage. For her, gay couples are a normal part of her life. She knows quite a few gay couples, and one of our closest family friends is transgender, and still in her original marriage when she, as a man, married a woman.

My children know gay couples in almost all aspects of their lives—in their family, among family friends and neighbors, among their teachers, and even in church. Old South, which is an open and affirming UCC church, has a few gay couples that regularly attend worship. One of the things that I know that these couples find so satisfying, and I do as well, is that they can just be who they are, that they can sit as a couple, talk to other couples—gay and straight—about all of the normal things of life, without hiding or pretending they are something else.

Yet, most of the Christian church is not anywhere near where Old South is, and that is very sad. And, more than that, the Church is in a difficult place. Many young people are like my children. They know gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people who are just a completely normal part of the landscape of their lives. It’s hard to demonize people who seem just so normal, and sometimes even—dare I mention it—kind of boring.

The Church is in a difficult, and interesting, place. My hope is that we can move beyond the debate about gay marriage to more critical issues. After all, the world is full of very significant problems in which the Church, and its members, ought to be more involved: poverty; hunger; domestic violence; exploitation of children; etc. Getting more involved in these issues, and holding them in the center of who we are and what we do, is not just something good to do. It also re-aligns Christians with the pertinent issues contained in our holy scriptures. The Bible has remarkably little to say about homosexuality, but it does have a whole lot more to say about poverty, hunger, homelessness, etc.

Maybe there really is something to that verse where Jesus declares, “whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” (Luke 18:17) Let the children lead indeed.

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What About Marketing?

Posted on June 22, 2013 by smaxreisert

Today is Packing Day. We are packing up the trunk of my teenage son. Tomorrow he leaves for seven weeks at a traditional boys camp in western Maine. It’s a place that he loves and is a home away from home. In a few days, my daughter will leave for a music camp, just a town or two away from where her brother will be at camp. In August, my husband and I will head out to western Maine and spend an entire weekend at a lovely bed and breakfast for “camp pick up weekend.” We’ve done this for the last few summers and we’ve stayed at the same bed and breakfast, completely full of families who descend upon this sleepy part of Maine to pick up children from various area camps.

At the bed and breakfast where we stay, most of the parents (some the same year after year, so we’ve gotten to know them a little) are picking up their daughters from an entirely different camp, a camp whose name, when uttered, requires that the chin be raised a little and, without even trying, one finds oneself clenching one’s jaw and speaking with a Beacon Hill accent (remember that Mass General doctor from MASH?).

After that first “pick up” weekend when we encountered these other families whose daughters were clearly attending a much posher camp than the camps that my children were attending, the very first thing I did when I got home was to find that camp’s website. Yes, the camp was yet even more expensive and more exclusive sounding than the expensive camps my children go to summer after summer.

In perusing the website of this much posher camp, I was struck by the amazing way in which the marketing firm they hired managed to describe this “extraordinary” camp that provides an experience like no other. They even managed to spin a little tale on why parents should essentially want to pay more for a camp that proudly and unapologetically refuses to allow electricity in camper cabins.

Is it really all about marketing? Should churches and denominations do more to focus on how they sell themselves and their mission? Should we find ways of spinning our “old fashioned” ways of doing things to lure people into the fold?

One of the newer members of Old South, a man about my age, has been talking a lot about marketing and how Old South needs to do more to sell itself. He offers these comments boldly and without hesitation. I’m not sure, though, that he sees the confusion and terror that his comments bring to those who are listening to him. I’m not even sure that he appreciates the silence that accompanies the comments he so enthusiastically shares.

Churches talk a lot about wanting more people to come and join them on the journey. Yet, when it comes to engaging in ways that might actually do just that, there’s hesitation, confusion, fear.

First, there’s just that difficulty that many in the mainline have about concepts such as “marketing.” Should the church really lower itself to engage in such activity? Isn’t marketing unseemly for a church?

And, then there’s the long-standing hesitation when it comes to evangelism. There are certainly some at Old South who feel that the sign on the front of the church offers just plenty of evangelism. Who could want anything more than that? Never mind that many people in our community cannot even pronounce “congregational” let allow define it.

We juggle two very important things in my part of the world. One is the reality that because of demographics, we may simply not be able to survive—even if we do everything well. And, the second is, that we need to engage in a very uncomfortable place and start telling the community about who we are and what we do and why we think people should join us.

I’m hoping that the first one doesn’t offer enough of an excuse to ignore the second. Whether or not we are able to encourage others to join us, we should at least know for ourselves who we are and why we do what we do.

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